On Losing One’s Self (Part II: Reclaiming the Self)

In the first article, “On Losing One’s Self,” I have established that the loss of the self occurs when the person no longer entertains a will. The absence of the will and unwillingness are not the same; and, as such, must not be confused or used interchangeably in this context. Unwillingness is simply a negative form of willingness, whilst the absence of the will is a state wherein the will is not entertained in any form—neither positive nor negative.

Furthermore, the absence of the will is not nihilism either. Nihilism is that nothingness which manifests insofar the person relates himself to things external to himself i.e. the world or life, etc. But even in the shadows of such nothingness, a person does not lose his ability to will. Even then, his mind wields a will [emphasis added] to seek an order of sorts for him to comprehend and act through. If none could be found, he will surely endeavor to construct one himself.

But to entertain no will remains purely—more so, exclusively—an internal affair. It goes far beyond one being in despair not to be oneself, still. Kierkegaard’s notion of ‘despair not to be one’s self’ is just the initial phase of the loss of the self; for, while in despair not to be one’s self, one perforce despairs to become something other than himself; which implies per se him willing to be something else. That is to say, one cannot despair if deprived of a will. Yet, the loss of the self is precisely this: to have no will, neither positive nor negative. Therefore, “To will not is to be not!” 

What?! How can one not be?! 

Remember Kierkegaard’s definition of a human being? “A human being is spirit. But what is spirit? Spirit is the self.” Accordingly, it necessarily follows that if one loses his own self, he loses his spirit; and, incidentally, he loses his being as a human. Again, what is the loss of the self? It is having no will. None. Having a will is a conditio sine qua non for having a self—more precisely, for being a self. 

This is all very fine, still wanting nonetheless. There’s yet a missing piece to this intriguing puzzle, namely: how does the will institute this “relation’s relating itself to itself,” (Kierkegaard 13) or “the self”?

In order to fully fathom the way in which the will constitutes the impetus for the self to manifest, we must examine two profound concepts pertaining to the human existence: destiny and fate.  

 

 If you have any conviction that you are somehow relevant to life (in the broadest sense of the word), whatever the particulars of that conviction may be, you doubtlessly believe, or at least suspect, that you have a destiny. Now, contrary to popular conception, destiny is not the same as fate. At times, they are in synch—even to an absolute degree—with each other. Nevertheless, they orchestrate a directionally reciprocal chain of events when compared to each other, in the sense that the subject and object are switched, one for the other, vis-á-vis incidents of fate and those of destiny. In matters of fate, life happens to someone or something; in which case, life is the subject and that someone or something is the object; hence, we cannot control fate. Contrariwise, destiny is when someone happens to life, consequently making that someone the subject and life the object; thereby, destiny is under our control, in absolute terms. 

Fate is inevitable and generic, hence befalls all of us. On the other hand, destiny is selected and particular, and a great many of us depart from this world without having realized their destiny. 

Ever heard the phrase: “I am the captain of my spirit, the master of my destiny”?

Well, it is not a blasphemous defiance to the absolute dominion and will of the Lord God, as many have been misled to believe. In fact, it is far from being so. It is a conscious declaration of one being cognizant of their destiny and their responsibility for it. If God meant for us to be dummies moved at the pull from strings in the hands of a ventriloquist, He wouldn’t have endowed us with cognitive faculties—much less a free will—and, certainly not a spirit i.e. the self. And, if each self was not autonomous and unique, couldn’t the omnipotent God have created just one person and cloned them till He’s had His desired number of humans, for the fun of it? He surely could have done just that!

Fate is universally applied to the creation entire. But destiny… Oh, destiny… is a peculiarity pertaining solely to the human species. Unlike any other creature, humans alone have destinies. But what is destiny? “It’s what [we] have always wanted to accomplish,” (Coelho 22); in other words, destiny is the way the self—being a self, i.e. self-assertive—in the inwardly reflexive process of the “relation’s relating itself to itself”—expresses itself upon life—in fine, destiny is how we apply our unique selves to life. Nonetheless, for a destiny, a true destiny, to be fulfilled, a person must realize that they have to choose it; and, that choice cannot be made without the person being willful.

During the early stages of our lives, most of us have a heightened sense of self, resulting in an aggrandized perception of our abilities and powers. That is why we are naturally inclined towards adventurism and creativity in the most emphatic and assertive manner in our childhood; endlessly fantasizing about infinite possibilities as to what we may be capable to achieve or make happen; all the while clinging tooth and nail to our hopes and aspirations. “Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives,”  (Coelho 22). 

The reason for this is, that we are then consciously aware of ourselves as selves; hence, as willful beings; and this willfulness, by the very virtue of its presence, ought to be exercised. Otherwise, it withers with time. To the misfortune of many, however, and inadvertently to the world’s as well, that flare is all too often extinguished prematurely: “… But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny,” (Coelho 22) and they would forego it. In a way, bit by bit, we fall prey to the world’s greatest lie, which is this: “that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate,”  (Coelho 18). Notwithstanding, this mysterious force is nothing but a test of our willfulness, for the human mundane experience is a synthesis of fate and destiny: life happening to us and vice versa—us happening to life. 

 

FATE IS IN GOD’S HANDS. Humans, made in the image of God, were meant to partake in administrating the world; therefore, graciously gifted with destiny. As a gift, it is presented to us in myriad forms, but it remains entirely our prerogative whether we make use of it [emphasis added]. In essence, God never forces destiny upon anyone. Instead, He wishes for us to contemplate, form, and actualize it ourselves so that we may fully appreciate the greatness, and realize the infinitude of that wonderful endowment of free will. 

Were free will limited to selecting articles of sustenance, clothing, and daily trivialities; then God has been mocking us since the inception of our existence—much worse, that would make God a trickster. But God is no trickster! He has graced us with free will because: first, we are spirits; and, second, we are made in His image; accordingly, we ought to share some of His qualities. Nonetheless, in order for humans to exercise certain divine qualities, whilst maintaining the existential equilibrium intact, God seeks to incentivize us to cultivate and hone the skill of exercising volition—that is, the means by which we use our own will. 

Having that said, when He gives a destiny to a person, God would want to ascertain that this person would take up the task wholeheartedly, out of their own will and in its fullness; lest the chief end of that destiny’s realization is squandered. For, make no mistake, God doesn’t waste grace: He will never entrust someone with a destiny, unless they would live up to it; more importantly still, that this destiny is entirely particular to that person it would, thus, undoubtedly aide them in actualizing their whole unique self. It will always be there for them to claim till the very end, nevertheless; but, it will surely continue to be out of reach up to the point where they’re ready to choose it unswervingly [much emphasis added here!].  

To put it in perspective, being a doctor is not necessarily one’s destiny—albeit that it may be their profession—if they don’t have an insatiable inner desire to help people optimize their health; and have a personal peculiarity enabling them to contribute to it. Likewise, being a comedian can never be a person’s destiny, if they don’t take genuine delight in the spectacle of people laughing. It can still be their profession though!

Simply put, when we are young we are inspired with our destiny. After a while, that mysterious force comes into play, “It’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your destiny. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth [my formatting],” (Coelho 22, 23). This mission is what we refer to as destiny.

Upon choosing to accept this mission, one is bound to see it through to the end. Along the path, God commands the ‘Soul of the World’ to test our commitment to the quest of destiny until its completion. Now, the will fixated upon this quest of destiny forces the self’s relation to itself to relate itself to itself; given that destiny is bespoke to each individual self; the self needs to fully fathom, further claim, itself so that its chosen quest is truly its destiny—i.e. its sui generis self-expression on life. To do this, the will must be definite vis-á-vis its choice in order to convince “all the universe to conspire in helping [the self] to achieve it” (Coelho 23).

But, what is life? 

Life is the sum total of creation. As such, to be complete, it needs the individual contributions of all spirits comprising the Soul of the World—that is, selves. I believe it was Frank Crane who said, “Your sole contribution to the sum of things [life] is yourself.” The process of a person becoming self begins with an assumption of destiny, and ends when they prove to life that the fulfillment of their destiny is the one and only way they can be their whole self, because the wholeness of the Soul of the World depends on every person unleashing the full might of their spirit—which is precisely this, being their distinct self. How does one render such validation to the Soul of the World?

Put succinctly, via making the choice of destiny. The choice of destiny (I know… you might be saying to yourself: “AT LAST!”) differs from all other choices we make; because, it is a choice that eliminates every other choice and possibility of being but one—the realization of that destiny and, eo ipso, the self. It is the ultimate expression of volition (the deployment of the will) that subjugates, regresses, and confines one’s inner desire and will, in their entirety, to a single objective. It is the declaration of a freely, yet irrevocably and unalterably, self-authored raison d’être unto the universe. All other desires are made inferior. The multitude of other needs, that the self cannot perceive a direct and essential correlation between them and the fulfillment of destiny, are identified as secondary. For that destiny is the self’s own manifestation of itself. It is the only means by which the self can comprehend itself; thereby commanding its reflexive relation to relate itself to itself; and, thence relating itself to life as a self, i.e. spirit. Inevitably, the choice of destiny binds the self to an objective singularity, which cannot be anything other than being itself; and, by an ultimate willful assertion, extracts the same recognition from the universe of itself—in the very way it has articulated it.

 

In a nutshell, one cannot be a self without willfully contriving an unbreakable self-imposed bondage that binds the self to perdurably relate to itself in its relation with itself—in a word, a destiny. Many dread the word destiny mainly for two reasons: the first, they don’t realize that they should steady their will in order to be able to choose it; and, the second, they confuse it with fate. But that is due to the fact that they have understood their relation to life in reverse. You have been told that you’ve only one life, and that you ought to make the most of it. The truth of the matter, however, is that life has only one shot at receiving your spirit in its fullness—being itself. Towards that end, it pushes you to your absolute limits to provoke your spirit to unleash the wholeness of its potential. 

Therefore, it attempts to mentor and guide you using the roadmap that you presented to it when you chose your destiny, to make sure you stay on course and that your yearning for that destiny stands the test of time. To further elucidate how this works, consider the following analogy: your thesis advisor (life) mentors you throughout your thesis (destiny) writing (realization); and, sometimes challenges (tests) the validity (will) of your ideas; but it is you who chose the thesis statement (destiny) that would convey your main idea (the self) to the university (the universe).

 

Always remember, “Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested,” (Coelho 139). 

 

Even Christ, Himself, has advanced the significance of the self ahead of the world entire, when He said, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul [in other versions, the word ‘self’ is used interchangeably with ‘soul’]?” (Mark 8:36  KJV)

 

 

In short,

DARE TO BE YOUR SELF!!!

 

 

Related Publication: “‘Ne Quid Nimis’: the Wisdom of Delphi”

 

Reference

Coelho, Paulo. The Alchemist. HarperCollins, 2015.

Kierkegaard, Søren. The Sickness Unto Death: A Christian Psychological Exposition for Upbuilding and Awakening. Princeton UP, 1980.

The Holy Bible, King James Version.